13 Pavements

Monday, September 19, 2011


Well. It's confirmed. The tumor in Olivia's eye is, in fact, a retinoblastoma. It is cancer. This confirmation was not all together shocking, as we were told to expect this last week. And we did, we expected it. But. The cancer appears to have spread. We did not expect that. We aren't sure to what extent yet. We will stay in Seattle until Wednesday when an EUA (another kind of eye exam under anesthesia) will be performed, have met with the surgeon and oncologist to decide what steps are to be taken next. But it seems that both removal of her left eye and chemo therapy will be the course of action. I am alternating between an overwhelming calm and uncontrollable tears. I in no way feel numb or in denial. But rather like I am feeling absolutely everything. All the calm, anger, sadness, peace, strength, fear, confidence, and despair that has ever been inside me waiting to surface and coming all at once. I can't make sense of it, but I'm not sure that I should at this point. To try to make sense of any of this at this point could be my undoing and I won't allow it. Please, please, please, continue to pray for Olivia and my sweet family. I physically feel the strength and love and prayers being said like they are tangible things and they are literally carrying me through this. I will update soon. Much love to all, those I know and the many, many that I don't.


  1. I'm not sure you should make sense of it either, Julie. Because it doesn't make sense. I don't have much heart, but what I've got is heavy for you. I'll muster what little goodness is inside me and beam it your way.

    Good luck with this next procedure.

  2. Julie, what a blessing it is that Olivia came to you and Brandon, loving, compassionate parents, instead of someone who would walk away from this traumatically painful experience. There are so many that would not put forth the love and support that Olivia needs. We saw many of those types during Landon and Danielle's hospital stays and it always made me more determined that my children would know that I loved them unconditionally. I know you and Brandon love her with all your hearts, minds and souls. We all love you and Brandon that same way. Know that we are here for you.

  3. Julie...I am reading this through the FB page of a fellow parent with a child cancer survivor. My name its Christine and my son was diagnosed w/ stage IV liver cancer at 15 mos and given a 20% chance of survival. He is now over 5 YEARS IN REMISSION! I want you to know there is a community of hope and of parents like you who will engulf you in their tide of support. I am also a certified ophthalmologist's assistant. I am a board member for the American Childhood Cancer Organization Inland Northwest. I also happen to be legally blind. In short, I can help. You can call me at 509.263.8273 anytime.