Wednesday, January 1, 2014
I have a chalkboard hanging in my house that I write different quotes or scriptures on to serve as reminders (mostly to me) of what we need to be working on. For the past six weeks or so it has said, "Let all that you do be done in love,"a take on 1 Corinthians 16:14. I put in on the board on a day where I was feeling just so done with everything and everyone. I was overwhelmed and tired and I was quick to show it to anyone and everyone near me. Specifically and unfortunately my sweet little family. It was that day that I realized how that I was feeling frustrated and tense more than I wasn't. And if I was being honest with myself (which I was, as it was a very self-revealing kind of day), most of that frustration and tension were my own doing. It was a direct result of a bad attitude. Yes, my stresses were and are very real. But I was responding terribly to those stresses. I saw some ugly things in myself that I hadn't noticed before. I got on my knees and poured my heart out, cried some heavy tears, and put up a visual reminder to help adjust my attitude. And I have been trying very hard since then to change that. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I don't. But I am trying.
With a new year, we all think about our resolutions. I'm not going to pick specific goals, I've never been great at those. I'm going to continue my theme of "let all that you do be done in love." All I have ever, ever wanted in my life was love. Love of husband, love of my children, love of my Savior...seems easy enough. It's no secret that the last few years have been hard for us. It seems like no matter how hard we try to keep our heads above water, something always comes along to try to beat us down. I don't hold in my emotions well, and when that stress gets to me it directly affects this little family of mine because they love me unconditionally. They are quick to forgive me. It dawned on me that they may not always be so quick to forgive and that thought scared me. So I am changing that. And I am going to apply this to all areas of my life.
Marriage: More love, more compassion, more tenderness, more forgiveness.
Kids: More listening, more nurturing, less irritation, more patience.
Friends: Less talking, more listening, more doing, less needing.
Body: More loving my body as it work it out instead of hating it as I sweat through my frustrations.
Mind: More creating, more challenging, less worrying, less judging, more clarity.
Spiritual: More study, more stillness, more serving, more working, more, more, and more of all the good I know I can do.
I want to be that person, and I am trying to be that person. For my family especially, I want to be a "face to call home." I want to create a home for them that is a safe place for them when they fall. Where there is no fear, no judgement. Just love and understanding. I want them to know that, and never question it. I want to be the person I know I can be, that I need to be. The person HE wants me to be. And this is the year that precisely that is going to happen.
So, welcome 2014! Let's do some beautiful things together.