Okay...so. I disappeared. Again. Sorry about that. But here's the thing.
I had a baby and then we moved and we worked ridiculous amounts this summer and we bought a house and we were at the hospital and my husband is in school and my baby doesn't sleep and doesn't sleep and never sleeps and...well...
Basically it just sounds like a bunch of excuses. Which it is. But the truth is, I got a little lost the last few months. No, that's not right. I got swallowed up in some weird personal issues and they ate me alive. The light in me went out for awhile. Call it a funk, call it postpartum depression, call it buyers remorse. The fact of the matter was I was not me. I did a pretty good job of hiding it. Maybe a tiny handful of people around me knew what was happening to me. I couldn't find my way out for awhile and I was so confused by it. The details of it aren't important, really. I had some serious image issues, I've been badly hurt by a few friends the last few months, and my heart so achingly tender. I just felt wounded. Much of the damage I did myself and the rest of the damage was done and I could hardly defend myself.
Thankfully the clouds have parted and in a moment of clarity I realized I needed to feel that way about myself in order to change. I needed to feel lost so that I could find myself again. I'm painting a little. I'm writing a little. I'm drawing a little. I'm making plans to finish my last year of school. I'm actually doing these things. I somehow became just an observer in my own life. But I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm making changes, things that have been a long time coming. And I feel good. I'm still a little bit lost. But I'm happy.
I'll be around more. I made a few promises about writing and keeping this up, and I fully intend to keep those promises.