Dear Self

Dear Self,

Well.  Today, you're 29.

I know what you're thinking.  You've been thinking about it all year.  You've been carefully detailing your faults, calculating all your mis-steps, re-living every mistake, hearing every unkind word you've said, and caring too much about all the "shoulds" that have yet to come into fruition that you wished would have long before you were 29. 

Knock it off.

I get it though.  It's been a rough, really rough, couple of years.  The things that have happened during that time have set your life plans back a good couple of years, if not more.  But you had no control over that. No control. That house you wanted, those classes you wanted, the jobs we thought we had...yeah.   Not so much.  Feelings of failure have loomed and lingered.  But it's okay.  Really.  It's put your and your husband on a different path.  The right path.   Things needed to fail to get you where you need to be.  It's work, for sure.  And it's not over yet.  But it will be.  Patience.

You've said things, done things that break your heart all over again when you relive them.  Forgive yourself, your spouse always does.  And you forgive him when the tables are turned.  Don't burden yourself with the unkindness of not forgiving yourself.  That right there?  It's holding you back.

And that baby girl of yours?  She's pretty spectacular.  She's fierce and she's strong and happy.  She needs you to be the same.  And all this worrying garbage?  It's unproductive and mostly worthless.  It's not doing either of you the tiniest bit of good.  It's time to "rage in the age of worry" and live.

Stop being so disappointed with yourself.  I mean it.  It really, really hurts me.  We both know there is a whole lot in you to not be disappointed by.  And don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.

Okay? Worrying about all that garbage?  It's just putting more lines on your face.  Stop mourning the ending your 20s.  Cause frankly, they weren't all that nice to you. 

Good things are happening to you, you know this.  You have a loving husband, a nearly perfect child, a home full of love, and the means to get through the hard stuff.

Enjoy 29. I have a feeling it will be kinder to you.  Be good to your family, be good to yourself.  Be okay with the here and now.  Stop "shoulding all over yourself." It's a pretty great little life you've got going on here.

Just sayin'.

Love always,
Me