It's late and quiet for a little while since The Husband is working. Every few minutes I get a little reminder from a foot or an elbow inside my tummy that all is well with our little guy and that his arrival is soon coming. New Year's came and it suddenly became very real that I am having this baby this year.
Ah, yes...2013 is looking to be very promising. We talked the other night about all the things that are happening or going to happen this year, how we are feeling blessed, how we are on the right track to be better and do better (in literally almost every way) than we did the year before. And you know what? It feels really, really good.
This last year ended and for the first time in three years, I did not heave a huge sigh of relief that it was behind me. I didn't re-live the bad things that happened, hoping for something, anything, better to happen in the new year. I wasn't still stunned from all the things that had happened, I wasn't still trying to recover from specific trials and difficulties in our lives. That isn't to say that there has been an absence of difficulty in our lives, but for the first time in 3 years I realized I am okay. No, not just okay. I am really good. We, this little family unit of mine, we are good.
I feel like those things that haunt me, those demons I fight, the issues I have that are unresolved are still there. But I feel better armed, better prepared to tackle them than I have in a long time. I feel that the issues we are bound to face this year will be met with solid ground beneath us, with calm and assurance, with confidence. I am beginning to feel more courage when it comes to facing fears I hardly dare to talk about. Í am more in the habit of living in the now, more aware of myself as a wife and as a mother. I am more aware of what I want and what I need and what hard work is required to get me there.
Oh, the work. There is much of it to be done. So much. I am so flawed. But I have a good man by my side. And he can push me, and I can push him with all the love we can muster. We can work, pray, forgive, love, laugh, and just be happy.
This year holds good things for us. I can feel it.