Sun.

This morning Olivia toddled into the living room where I was going about my usual morning nonsense.

"Music?"  she queried as if she'd been thinking about it all morning.

"Well, sure my munchilla bean," I replied.  "What should we listen to?  Annie, Chitty Bing Bing....."

"Sunshine!" she squealed as though the answer should have been obvious.  Which, of course, it was.

I scrolled through the play list until I found "Here Comes the Sun."  Her choice in song seemed both appropriate and ironic considering the dreary first day of spring today.  We both started to sing and dance like we always do, when the words hit me like a freight train.

Here comes the sun,

Here comes the sun, and I say

It's alright.

Little darling,

It's been a long, cold, lonely winter.

Little darling,

It feels like years since it's been here.

Here comes the sun,

Here comes the sun, and I say 

It's alright.

Little darling,

The smiles returning to the faces.

Little darling,

It seems like years since it's been here.

Here comes the sun,

Here comes the sun, and I say

It's alright.

Sun, sun, sun.  Here it comes.

Little darling,

I feel the ice is slowly melting

Little darling,

It seems like years since it's been clear.

Here comes the sun.

Here comes the sun.

It's alright.

It's alright.

A smile spread across my face. 

Oh, this winter.  My goodness, it nearly swallowed me whole.  I've felt  things, thought things, experienced things in the last six months that I would never wish on another person.  To have the heft of it fall in winter seemed especially mean (I so despise the winter, you see).  And this winter DID feel like years.  And now it's over.  

It's over!  And I felt all these prickles of optimism that weren't there before.  Like, maybe it really is over.  Not the big stuff.  Not the cancer/chromosome/health hurdles, exactly.  Bumps and bad days with all of that are inevitable and bound to happen.  But maybe this funk, this awfulness my mind has been in is starting to clear.  Maybe I'm not a sinking ship!  Maybe I can finally pull out of this and join The Husband in the land of normal (ish) again!  There is still work to be done, of course.  There is always work to be done on ourselves, our marriages, our relationships with our kids and our friends.  But today I finally started to feel like I have it in me to do it, to put forth the effort required.  It was a boost of strength and restored faith I so desperately needed a day before we head to Seattle for more testing and a few surgeries.  Ideal timing, yes?

Hurrah!

It felt weirdly ceremonious; the song, the day, the feelings all mingling and lingering with a purpose and a conviction.  We danced together and and I sang the words to Liv, loudly and intentionally.  Regardless of what happens or whatever literal or figurative winters come our way, the sun will still come.

And it's alright.