Monday, September 26, 2011
There is a subtle difference between big miracles and important miracles. While the big miracles are welcomed, life altering, and are strongly desired and hoped for, the important miracles are what carry us, what make our burdens lighter, what make the unbearable bearable. I keep finding myself looking for the big miracles instead of the most important ones, and that is a sad and frustrating way to look at and live life. Instead of seeing all the good that is actually happening, you focus only on what isn't happening or what hasn't happened yet.
It's been difficult to force myself to have this mindset, but today I think I figured out perhaps the most important miracle in all of this: Olivia's happiness. She is so happy, always so happy. Life, just by itself, thrills her. Every day there is at least a dozen different things that tickle her and fill her with genuine glee. Yesterday morning when I went to get her out of bed, she was so excited to see me that before she even sat up, she clapped her hands and said, "Happy?" I laughed and we sang a few pre-breakfast rounds of If You're Happy and You Know It.
How much heavier would this cancer burden be if I had a sad child? I honestly can't imagine.
Her happy is my happy.
Tomorrow we meet with the oncologist to determine and finalize her treatment plan. Say extra prayers for her and, of course, expect a miracle. Because really, why shouldn't we?